Baby Daddys Response to the Blog

Baby Daddy and I hiking
in Palos Verdes

It’s been just a hair over a month since I started this whole blog endeavor and I feel like so much has changed within that small span of time. Isn't it funny how in a moment you can swear you’re thinking and feeling a certain way – and then looking back you realize you were feeling something quite different? It isn't easy to correctly synthesize an emotion when you’re in the middle of feeling it and it’s impossible to be the objective observer while engaged.

In looking back I can now see that when I was starting this blog I was still out of sorts about my relationship with my baby daddy, about being pregnant with his child, about how we would raise this child together, about how my family was feeling about it all. I was overwhelmed with doubt and stress. Baby daddy and I were in extreme turmoil at that time. My parent’s fears were becoming my own fears – because when people project at you enough it eventually sinks in. I was having pangs of regret which  was scaring the daylights out of me because having a child is so permanent! 

All this to say I think my negativity might have meandered its way into my writing. Sub-conscious pot shots surfaced in my prose and I want to take the time now to apologize, re-write and redirect my energy. Baby daddy and I have been really working through our respective issues, in our individual and collective lives. In doing so one night we had a heart to heart about the blog. He told me that some of things I had written about him were pretty painful. That some of his friends had taken insult on his behalf. I asked him why he had not told me this prior and he said because this was clearly a creative outlet for me and he didn't want to stifle that.  I don’t think I can say a nicer thing about this man.

Needless to say I felt terrible. I started going back through various posts and I realized the level of detail about how I felt about him were unnecessary; that I could still voice my opinions without engaging in public humiliation of friends and family. He told me he didn't want to hinder me and I told him that I was certainly capable of maintaining my “voice”, if you will, while still maintaining his integrity and mine. The point of this was not to insult anyone, but just to talk about how I’m feeling and dealing with this rather unique situation.

I rewrote a few posts, which baby daddy read said he was much happier about. Baby daddy feeling better about this blog definitely makes me feel better. And now baby daddy said he was more inclined to write a post of his own. Yay! I told him his side of this crazy story was as unique, if not more so, than mine. I’m excited to share his perspectives on this. Like I said before, he’s a brilliant writer and I can’t wait to share his post!