Baby Daddy and I hit our stride

I want to write this to commemorate the brilliant week Baby Daddy and I have had. Five months into this whole crazy hullabaloo we seem to have hit our stride.  This week we've spent more time together than we have since we were boyfriend and girlfriend and it was wonderful. Between condo walk-throughs, ultrasounds, lazy Sundays, shopping for maternity and baby clothes we've come to really just enjoy each other’s company.

So, what’s different? 

The “stuff” in our separate lives is improving… which is making our collective life better too!

Baby daddy is on a roll with right now in his life so he’s happier. Even though he’s looking for a second job, the one he has now has really picked up, so work is going well. He’s getting into a rhythm with school. His health is improving (we’re going the gym together!). All of his family and friends know about the baby now and are very supportive.  Lastly, some of the family drama that was really weighing him down is getting sorted which is taking a tremendous load off his shoulders.

I’m out of the first trimester and feeling so much better! My job is going super well and I love it. I’m going to the gym more often (endorphins!). I hired a new Phoenix property manager and though all that drama is not yet sorted there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My condo should close this week (its taking forever!), and my favorite handy man is on-board to assist. I've really fallen in love with writing this blog and I love everyone for supporting me doing it – especially Baby Daddy!

New baby clothes we
bought last weekend...  so
much fun!

So together – we’re just more relaxed. Being together used to feel somewhat forced, like it was almost a chore. Now it’s relatively easy.  We know we’re having a son, we know he’s healthy and we agree on the first name so life is super good there. We both love politics and we are on the same page politically so we’re enjoying watching and discussing as the campaign unfolds, especially the debates. He is super excited to help me with the condo when it’s time to start fixing it up – he even went to Home Depot and picked up laminate flooring samples for me to have at our final walk-through. Brazilian Cherry wood it is! He’s actually looking forward to the condo because he’ll finally have his own bathroom and his own closet there…  more space is awesome!

So even though life is busy, and complicated, and changing and sometimes pretty darn stressful -  right now, together, we've managed to keep it pretty simple. And that feels really nice!

Next Post: How to pick a last name!

Gender and Winning Baby Names Revealed

Thank you all so much for voting on baby names! The results are in, as is the gender of our beautiful little niblet. We are so pleased to announce that we having a -

BOY!!!!

Here are the overall winning baby names by percentages from blog comments, Facebook comments, emails and text messages:

We're so excited to be having a little boy!

Baby Girl Names

Juliana Rose - 57%
Celia - 43%
Charlotte - 0%
Grace - 0%

Baby Boy Names

Ethan - 56%
Grayson - 22%
Trevor - 11%
Cameron - 11%
Dylan - 0%

Thank you again for voting!! We know we sort of tipped the scales by putting our own favorite names first - but the fact that you liked them as much as we did means a lot to us. We're not 100% promising that this will be final baby name, but we're pretty happy with the name we've chosen for now and we definitely can't wait to meet little Ethan! (Although I know Terry and I will still call it Niblet and my mom will still call it Blueberry...)

Help Baby Daddy and I Choose a Baby Name

Hello Everyone! On Friday October 26th baby daddy and I go in for our anatomy ultra-sound. I am so so so excited. Lets all cross our fingers that this little baby isn't feeling shy on Friday.

We have a short list of names picked out for both girls and boys – but we want you to help us. We’re encouraging everyone to comment and vote on their favorite girls name and their favorite boys name. Here are the names we've chosen to date and little bit about why we liked them. Happy voting!

Girl names we like

 1. Juliana Rose – (First and Middle name) This is a spin on the middle name of both of my grandmothers (and my best friend’s middle name as well)
2. Celia – after Hurrican Celia. Since I share the namesake of a powerful hurricane I thought it might be funny to name our daughter after a hurricane as well
3. Charlotte (fun nicknames - Char and Charlie)
4. Grace - Just a name we both liked
5. Periwinkle Honeysuckle – this is a spin on Beyonce’s baby named Blue Ivy, although I don’t think we’re famous enough to pull this name off (This is mostly a joke...)

Boy names we like so far

1. Ethan - I think is our front runner...

2. Trevor - We both have never met a Trevor that wasn't a pretty cool person
3. Cameron - Goes well with our last names
4. Dylan - Dylan Thomas, Bob Dylan 

5. Grayson - Just a name we liked (although I like this more than Baby Daddy does...)

**I also really liked the name Cohen (as in Leonard Cohen, one my favorite poets), but apparently to use Cohen as a first name is considered disrespectful to those of the Jewish faith... that's not good. 

Here are a few "off limit" names due to exes, friends we love but don't want to name babies after, and recent babies of friends and family we don't want to copy: Shea (we've both dated a Shea!), David, William, Isabella/Annabelle, Simon, Jackson, Caroline, Preston, Owen, Issac, Chris, Audrey, Kimberly, Maureen, and any Kristen/Katherine name (too close to mine). 

We really have not decided yet and we would love your feedback! Help us choose the best name in case its either a girl or a boy! We'll reveal the winning name when we reveal the gender! :-)

Baby Daddys Response to the Blog

Baby Daddy and I hiking
in Palos Verdes

It’s been just a hair over a month since I started this whole blog endeavor and I feel like so much has changed within that small span of time. Isn't it funny how in a moment you can swear you’re thinking and feeling a certain way – and then looking back you realize you were feeling something quite different? It isn't easy to correctly synthesize an emotion when you’re in the middle of feeling it and it’s impossible to be the objective observer while engaged.

In looking back I can now see that when I was starting this blog I was still out of sorts about my relationship with my baby daddy, about being pregnant with his child, about how we would raise this child together, about how my family was feeling about it all. I was overwhelmed with doubt and stress. Baby daddy and I were in extreme turmoil at that time. My parent’s fears were becoming my own fears – because when people project at you enough it eventually sinks in. I was having pangs of regret which  was scaring the daylights out of me because having a child is so permanent! 

All this to say I think my negativity might have meandered its way into my writing. Sub-conscious pot shots surfaced in my prose and I want to take the time now to apologize, re-write and redirect my energy. Baby daddy and I have been really working through our respective issues, in our individual and collective lives. In doing so one night we had a heart to heart about the blog. He told me that some of things I had written about him were pretty painful. That some of his friends had taken insult on his behalf. I asked him why he had not told me this prior and he said because this was clearly a creative outlet for me and he didn't want to stifle that.  I don’t think I can say a nicer thing about this man.

Needless to say I felt terrible. I started going back through various posts and I realized the level of detail about how I felt about him were unnecessary; that I could still voice my opinions without engaging in public humiliation of friends and family. He told me he didn't want to hinder me and I told him that I was certainly capable of maintaining my “voice”, if you will, while still maintaining his integrity and mine. The point of this was not to insult anyone, but just to talk about how I’m feeling and dealing with this rather unique situation.

I rewrote a few posts, which baby daddy read said he was much happier about. Baby daddy feeling better about this blog definitely makes me feel better. And now baby daddy said he was more inclined to write a post of his own. Yay! I told him his side of this crazy story was as unique, if not more so, than mine. I’m excited to share his perspectives on this. Like I said before, he’s a brilliant writer and I can’t wait to share his post!

The Big Lessons in Love – Over Thirty and Single

So – how is it that I ended up in my mid-thirties and single? Well, it’s not an easy road I went down.  I got a little bruised in my twenties and then I got my butt kicked in my thirties. 

Looking back I realize I never gave myself time to allow hindsight to do its thing. I never gave myself time to learn from each failed relationship. 

So here are the big things I learned looking back... way back!

I love this saying...

Time between relationships: It takes time after a hard break-up to really figure out who you are. I think it’s inevitable that you adapt in a relationship - compromise and morph into part of a greater whole. You pick up new hobbies, new friends, new perspectives, new ideas, insights, new likes and dislikes. Sometimes relationships require you to relocate, change jobs, etc. Sometimes that’s amazing and that’s when relationships last. And sometimes it’s not amazing at all. Sometimes you change too much of you are to make a relationship work. The problem for me is that I never gave myself enough time to really be me again. Overtime I became this amalgamation of perspectives, insights, ideas that were not even wholly mine - jumping into one relationship after another. I was basically in a perpetual rebound for years!

Who wants my ball of love?! When a relationships ends its hard to admit that you are going to have to start from scratch with someone new. There's a desire sometimes to pick up right where you left off with the next so and so. (Which never works!)

Here - have my ball
of love... please!!!

Here is my analogy for love and break-ups. When you are in a relationship and you love your significant another you essentially hand them your love - lets call it a ball of love. When you hand it to them its clean and filled with possibilities! When it ends, they essentially hand that love right back to you and when they hand it back to you its filled with all the good and the bad of your relationship. So now you're holding this ball of love and you don't know what to do with it... so you try handing it off to the next willing person.  "Here, have this ball of love." Normal, well conditioned people run from this screaming - they don't want your used ball of love, all weighted down with the "stuff" of  a past relationship. Other people may accept your ball of love and say, "Oh goodie, a ball of love for me, just what I was missing!" And now you feel better because someone has taken your rejected love off of your hands... everyone wins, right?! Wrong! You have just handed someone love filled with stuff that didn't really belong to them and they accepted it. This is called a rebound. Someone almost always gets hurt in this scenario.... and you can end up right back where you started!

So what the heck are you supposed to do with this ball of rejected love?! This is going to sound corny - but you need to take the time to let all the "stuff" of that past relationship wash itself out of your ball of love. That way when you meet the next right so and so you can hand them a shiney, clean ball of love.

I can make this fit!!!

Forcing a round peg in a square hole: The final major issue I faced is that I’m a fighter who feels like I can make anything work... even when it makes no sense to try and do so. There were times right in the beginning of a relationship that it was clearly not going to work, but did I walk away, save time, save energy? Hell no! I fought. I poured myself entirely into the void of inevitability – I compromised myself into all sorts of shapes and sizes to try and make my relationships work...  I am the queen of this scenario:

Me: I want XYZ out of life. 

Dude: Oh - well I want ABC out of life.

Me: Hum... that doesn't fit. It's cool, you can change. 

Or even worse, I would try and change. Both would always lead to an epic fail. (I would once again be holding my rejected ball of love...)

Taking my life back by force!

By the time Baby Daddy came around at the age of 33 I had morphed and whiplashed myself into a frenzy and I had decided the only way to get back on track was to “over-correct” if you will. Refuse to compromise. Refuse to adapt. Refuse to be swept off my feet. Refuse to work hard. I decided I would just be whomever and whatever I wanted to be in a moment, regardless of what that meant for love. Does the term hard bitter bitch come to mind? It came to my mind. But baby daddy stuck it out. He saw underneath the bitter and basically said, take your time and be who you need be. I’ll be here as your boyfriend or as your friend. Little did we know he’d be there as my baby daddy too!

Learn or repeat - those are
your options...

I want to be good at all the things I do in life. I want to be a good mother.  I want to be a good girlfriend/wife. I want to be a good employee. I want to be a good landlord. I think the only way to be all of the above is to make sure you are always being honest with yourself and being honest with others. When you're being truly honest with yourself life is often more simple, but goodness that's often very hard to do!

Financial Planning for Single Motherhood

Chapter 2 - Where I am now

So – we pick up where we left off with me getting a good job, getting out of debt and buying my multi-family property.

My cute little unit

I moved into my fourplex and rented out the other three units. It is a building that consists of three studios and one itty bitty two bedroom. It isn't a flashy building, it doesn’t have parking, or even a washer dryer… but it's rentable!

I had all three units rented within one month. With the rents I receive, less my impound mortgage account and utilities I pay for the building my out of pocket comes to $383 a month.

So there I was, making $90,000 a year, debt free and living for $383 a month in my own property. You would think this would be good enough… but wait! It gets better!

New Job – New Property!

After working at the agency for a year, my same favorite person Minh, had another opportunity for me to work for him directly as a Project Director. It was a slight pay bump, but mostly it was a good opportunity to be part of a start-up and work with Minh again! Because they were a start-up I was brought on once again as a consultant. I liked this because I like getting all of my money up front (just make sure to save for taxes!!).

Phoenix Four-Plex

After four months working for Minh I had $35,000 in savings and was ready to purchase another property. I explored all my options and decided on Phoenix. I could purchase a fourplex there for as little as $100,000 (less if I wanted a fixer-upper). I found a fabulous little fourplex, completely renovated and occupied.

• I purchased it for $110,000. With all four units rented, after my impound mortgage account, utilities and property management fees, my take home after all expenses is $600 a month!

So now I’m making bout $90k per year with my living expenses equaling $383 and I’m making an extra $600 a month. How could it get better?!

Ironically enough two weeks after closing escrow on the Phoenix property I get pregnant!!

Back to Corporate America
I go!

The same week I found out I was pregnant I get a call about a job to work for a consulting firm onsite at Toyota. It’s through a friend and former colleague of mine. I’m not sure I want the job – I like working for Minh. But this job will save an hour a day commuting and the company is large so the benefits are a little better. I’m not sure what to do so I throw out a larger base salary - this time knowing I will not barter. They accept!!

So now I’m making over six figures, my commute is shorter, and the hours are better… and I work at Toyota which was on my list of places I'd love to work!

Where I am today...

So now I’m really set-up perfectly the way I am financially, but not in terms of comfort.  Although I love my little fourplex in Long Beach it’s missing four essentials for me: two big bedrooms and two bathrooms, parking, a dishwasher and a washer/dryer. Plus, my street can get a little loud sometimes – screeching tires and loud bass bumping out of cars are not ideal when you want to keep a baby sleeping. All things I can handle when it’s just me, but not as much as with a baby.

So I start looking for condos. My goal:  Keep the monthly out of pocket to less than $1500. Why? Well, combining the $600 from the phoenix property and the $600 I expect to net from renting out my current unit means $1200 a month. If I keep my expenses on the condo under $1500, I’m still only out $300 a month. :-)

New condo - closing escrow next
week!

As luck would have it - I found a fabulous condo just three streets down from where I live. I haven’t closed yet – so knock on wood people!!!

• My impound mortgage account plus HOA comes to $1470 a month and I’ll pay roughly $60 in utilities.
• With the profits from my other two properties my out of pocket will come to $330.

So now I make six figures at a good, stable company, I will own three properties, and my living expenses will be roughly $330 a month.

Note: This condo needs some love inside - popcorn ceilings, blue carpet from 1982, awful blue walls, ugly cabinetry, frosted swans on shower doors, Formica, and the yellowest kitchen you have ever seen! Stay tuned - I'll be doing a before and after post. Luckily Baby Daddy is amazingly handy and I have made some awesome contractor contacts in the LBC!

Once I am all up and running this set-up is how I can afford daycare, diapers, nannies, babysitters, etc. as a single mother. I didn't know this is what I was preparing for – but I feel very confident about how I set myself up.

How I Financially Prepared to be a Single Mother

My commercial headshot
from my acting days...

When I was younger I always imagined when I was pregnant that I would be happily married to an amazing man. I imagined that we would be a super cool couple who had awesome jobs, a lot of fun friends and were always off jet setting on fun adventures. I also imagined us as financially responsible. I know – such a sexy imagination… In my head we would own at least three properties between the two of us before we started having children. Two investment properties and one home that we lived in.

Well – flash forward years later and although I don’t have an awesome husband I do have an awesome co-parent (my Baby Daddy!), an awesome job, a lot of super fun friends and until this niblet showed up in my belly I certainly enjoyed my fair share of adventures. (I supposed this is an adventure unto itself!) AND… I will own three properties before this baby is born… on my own!

It wasn't always this like this though - only 5 short years ago I had a job that paid very little, tons of debt, no savings and was not on a very good trajectory. This is my history of how I turned my life around, and while I didn't know it at the time, set myself up perfectly to be a single mother. I have divided this into two chapters - the history of how I got back on track and then a post dedicated to where I am now. To anyone who has ever had to re-invent themselves I hope my story proves that it is possible!

Chapter 1 – Setting the Stage
I have chosen to be personal with my details here... this is obviously not a template that applies to everyone, but if sharing my details helps anyone out there also trying to get back on track, then mission accomplished!

While I spent my early twenties trying on many different hats,  I spent my late twenties/early thirties getting really serious and making up for lost time. In 2007 at the age 28 I had three goals:

1. Get a job as a marketing associate in a large financial or real estate company making at least $50K a year
2. Get out debt (I was seriously over my head in debt)
3. Purchase my first multi-family property by the age of 31 (I figured three years was a solid timeline). Why mutli-family property? Because you live in one unit and have someone else live in the other unit paying you rent and contributing to your mortgage. In the right set-up you may not have to pay much out of your own pocket at all!

Goal #1 – Get a good paying job

CBRE Corporate Photo

The culmination of all my different jobs in my early twenties gave me a richly diversified resume. I was hired in April of 2007 at CBRE Investors, a commercial real estate investment firm, making a tad more than my desired amount. Goal #1 – achieved!

Goal #2 – Get out of debt

Getting out debt was going to be more difficult. While $50k is a decent amount of money California is an expensive state to live in. So I followed a book my dad gave me, “The Five Lessons a Millionaire Taught Me.” I learned three things from this book: money is controlled by your attitude towards it, save at least 10% of what you take home, make money in the margins (side jobs). So, I started a fairly lucrative side job as a pet sitter, Kats Critter Care, and I stayed in people’s homes watching dogs, cats, parrots, fish and bunnies. I also started a resume writing company which I could do in tandem with the pet sitting and I started tutoring Microsoft office suite. I was making an extra $400 - $800 a month doing all of these. I would take the money and save it up until I had a solid chunk and then I would call one of my pesky creditors and we would agree on a settlement. It took me a little over 2 years but I paid off ALL of my debt. Goal #2 – achieved!

The Cabin or Man Cave I lived in
for two years!

Sidebar: What’s really important to note here is that as my salary increased – my cost of living did not. I kept my overhead painfully low because I knew I had an endgame and it was worth it. I did not have a posh apartment – in fact, I lived in a man-cave attached to a garage in the backyard of a lovely family in Culver City (all in $700 a month). I drove my little Scion XA which I still drive to this day. I didn't have any credit cards because frankly no one would give me one! I was cash only which meant I had no margin for error. I think everyone should live like this for at least two years in their life. You have to get really good at managing your money and you have to get really skilled at living below your means.

Goal #3 – Purchasing a Multi-Family property

This was going to prove to be more difficult. But here is how I made this happen before my 32nd birthday…

• Step 1 – I got out of debt using my side money and used my salary to start saving money (Goal #2 above)
• Step 2 – An opportunity opened up in the IT department of my company as a Business Systems Analyst. I had always wanted a career in IT because I felt like there was more job stability and upward mobility than in marketing. But I had no experience! I was given an opportunity and I seized it. I researched this position carefully and I knew what the median salary was for this position – it was $10,000 more than I was currently making. I asked for a $20,000 jump in pay to accept the position. We bartered down to the $10,000 increase. Now I was making over $60,000 per year.
• Step 3 – Even though I was a Business Analyst I was taking on many of the responsibilities of a project manager. We were in a hiring freeze – so even though we desperately needed a PM, we could not hire one. This worked to my advantage. Since I had been doing the work, in 2010 I took project management courses, applied and passed the certification exam to become a Project Management Professional through the Project Management Institute. I was a PMP!

Minh and I

Important note: During my tenure as a Business Systems Analyst I met one of the most important people in my life, Minh Le. Minh was a consultant we had hired to help redesign our website. We worked together closely and became good friends. I read a book called “How Remarkable Women Lead”.  One of the things that stuck out to me was that these women had a “sponsor”. A “Sponsor” is a like a mentor who goes one step further – this person actually sticks their neck out for you and helps you advance your career. 

• Step 4 - In 2010 Minh did just this for me, and he helped to get me hired on an exciting project he was consulting on.They actually told me in the interview that my resume alone was not good enough to get this job but that they trusted Minh’s recommendation. That’s what a sponsor does for you!  I was offered a job as a consultant for a digital agency as a business analyst. Minh suggested I throw out a high hourly rate so I could barter my way down – however there was no bartering and they accepted my initial number. I was a 1099 consultant averaging around $10,000 a month.
• Step 5 – Remember how I said I kept my overhead low? Well I need less than $3K a month to live and since I was bringing in $10,000 I was able to save $7000 a month. And save I did!!
• Step 6 – Three months into consulting I was offered a full time job at the same company. I accepted it and was now making about $90,000 a year. This is important and I’ll tell you why – it’s hard to get a mortgage loan as a consultant. It’s much easier as a full time employee.
• Step 7 – I found a four-plex in Long Beach that was renovated, move-in ready and super cute! I was in the perfect position: I had plenty of money in savings, I had a good paying full time job, and I had really low debt to income ratio. Bam! 2010 – 6 months shy of my 32nd birthday I bought my first multi-family property.

Goal #3 – ACHIEVED!!

Mom in front of my awesome fourplex!!!

The Next Post is Chapter 2 – Where I Am Now… Its gets better!

How I overcame Pregnancy Fatigue (Ha! Ha!)

Or how I tried and then failed, and sort of succeeded and then failed and then mostly succeeded!

This is exactly what I felt like!!!

Exercise… yep, my old faithful answer to everything turns out to be right again. I didn't exercise at all for almost 2 months and I was so fatigued walking my dog up the street and back was like running a marathon. I remember working from home taking a 1 hour phone conference and then needing a 20 minute nap just to recover! Me!

I asked my doctor how to overcome the fatigue and he said ‘Girl, you don’t overcome this. You just let this do its thing. You’re building a person. Respect that.” But it just kept getting worse - the more tired I felt, of course, the less active I became. I started wondering if the less active I was becoming was perpetuating the fatigue. I felt like I was losing myself!

Starting Slow

Before Pregnancy -
5 Mile Race

Like I said in a prior post, I’m an active person. I was always working out, hiking, bike riding, or just playing in general. That's me running the 5 mile Vincent Thomas Bridge race. So, doing nothing for months at a time was making me mad. I finally just decided to try and work out. I started by forcing myself on longer walks with my dog and then I started picking up the pace. I chatted with my mom on the phone and as it turns out, 30 minutes started whizzing by.

Yoga! I also signed up for some prenatal yoga classes. But I was only 10 weeks along and not even showing and really I just felt kind of out of place being around all these 20, 30+ week ladies. (Plus, the place I went to was next to door to a kick-boxing school… it’s hard to relax when you keep hearing – “Huh! Huh! Huh!”) I’ll start taking yoga again when this belly of mine pops out… somewhere quiet. I found an awesome Meet-Up for Pregnant Goddess Yoga... I'm so in!

Picking up the pace

I bought Denise Austin’s Cardio Blast. It has two videos, one with weights and one without. I prefer the one without, I can do weights on my own. It’s just a bunch of exercises done in a circuit with a few active recoveries where she focuses on the abs. its only 20 minutes (30 minutes with warm up and cool down and the warm up is pretty invigorating on its own). I’m definitely sweaty when I finish it.

Note: This has a lot of twisting moves in it - which I understand you're not supposed to do the further along you are. I just improvise other fun movements when she twists a lot. 

Pulling out the big guns 

Lastly, I hired a personal trainer. JJ Flizane, owner of Invisible Fitness, worked with me to develop a routine that suits my current needs for keeping in shape, and she will work with me through the pregnancy as routines become harder and I need modifications. I am buying a heart rate monitor and I bought cords that go in your door hinge so I can work out in my living room. My goal is to do cardio three days a week and resistance training (weights) three days a week.

And aren’t goals fun to have, I say sarcastically… The last time JJ trained with me I told her that some of the workouts were really lengthy and I couldn't get through them which in turn frustrated me and then made me pretty much just not do them at all. I was falling back into the tired trend! She asked me if they were too hard… my response, “Right now existing is too hard!”

JJ saves the day! She created three intensities of working out: High energy, medium energy, low energy. On days when I was super tired but still wanted to feel like I accomplished something I would do the low energy routine – basically fewer exercises, fewer reps and lighter resistance. She said doing anything is always better than doing nothing. Even if it’s just 10 minutes…  and it definitely works! If I complete the 10 minute workout at least I feel like I did something, which gives me some modicum of pride, which actually motivates me to do at least the same if not more next time. If being less active makes you more tired, then being more active gives you more energy…

And Now...

First Trimester - Walk/Hiking with
Ma in Santa Cruz!

I definitely don’t work out like I used to.  When I finish I’m obliterated. I used to exercise and that would give me a rush of energy. I would finish a run and then clean my house! Now I exercise and immediately sit on the couch and veg out.

I’m still fatigued but I have so much more energy than I did originally! Of course, I recognize that it could just be my body adjusting on its own and that nothing during that one month period could have saved me… that I only started exercising because I was already starting to snap out of it.

But I like thinking exercise made a difference. I mean, it does in every other aspect of my life, right?!

Bonus Photo - Ma and I at the top of the brutal
peak at Runyon Canyon. Definitely before
Pregnancy!!!

What I’m Getting Wrong and What I’m Getting Right

Baby Belly!

Can anybody be perfect all the time? If you answer yes to this I simultaneously hate you and want to be your best friend. As I cruise into my second trimester (I know – its like I’m an expert now) here is what I know I’m doing right and what I know I’m doing wrong…

Wrong stuff is more fun so we will begin there. J

What I’m getting wrong

Stress Case!

• I’m definitely not getting enough rest – I go to bed late, and though I snooze for what feels like 5 hours every morning, I’m still getting up early. And I pack my weekends with travel and stuff… except for this coming weekend – sleeping in!!
• I’m not what you might call “relaxed”. I work full time in a new job (started two weeks after I found out I was pregnant), manage my 4-plex in Long Beach, deal with the world’s most incompetent property manager for my phoenix property, and am buying a condo to raise my little nugget in (closing escrow in a week or two) and the condo needs work.
• I don’t clean anymore – seriously. Call a hazmat team, but I’m never doing dishes again! And when I’m out of things to wear because I haven’t done laundry I just go buy new things. (My baby daddy has really been stepping up to help me here… thank god!)
• I don’t drink enough water – I’m supposed to have 60-80 oz a day… I think I’m at a good 30-40 oz. I’m trying – but water is so boring!
• I’m not getting enough iron. I have some suggestions from my fabulous doctor on supplements for over a month now… haven’t purchased them. I know I should… but I haven’t.
• I’m not getting enough fiber… ladies – you know what I mean here.
• I drink too much liquid before going to bed (I average having to use the restroom 3 times a night… refer to the point of not getting enough sleep)
• I’m not working out enough – but I am working out some!
• Ok ok… I have to admit I have taken pre-approved sleeping aids a few times. I couldn't help it – I have a demanding job and when I‘m still staring at the ceiling at 2am I have to do something! This makes the most nervous of all…
• Not spending enough time basking in the glory of the changes to my body… it still doesn't even quite feel real. My belly hasn’t popped and I haven’t felt the baby yet – every mom I know says once those two things happen it’ll all become much more magical.

What I’m getting right

Cinnamon Apple Cupcakes I baked!

• I haven’t had a single sip of alcohol or a single cigarette since I found out (I actually haven’t had cigarettes for quite a while before I found out either)
• I take my prenatal vitamins every day without fail
• I've gone to every doctor’s appointment
• I've been consuming more calories as required – but not too many! And I've been eating mostly healthy. I'm trying to make my calories work for me!
• I stay within the allotted 200mg of caffeine per day (usually I drink less than that)
• I've gained one pound so far (I lost weight in the first trimester not eating as much, then lost muscle mass not working out as much, then started working out again… so I went down 6 pounds and then started back up again)
• I have been getting exercise. I hired a personal trainer. I’m making sure I’m doing the exercises appropriate for where I am in this pregnancy. (I’m not working out enough – but I’m doing the best I can)
• I have read the books my friends have given me – and watched the movies!
• I bake now!!!
• I told the executives where I work before I accepted the offer – legally they could not do anything (I looked it up before I told them) – but I wanted to gauge the response tone for acceptance. I wanted to make sure I didn't walk into a non-accepting environment. Obviously they were very understanding and I love my job! (The remainder of my colleagues do not know yet…)
• I am buying a condo to raise my little nugget in. My current neighborhood is not the safest, and I don’t have parking, washer/dryer or a dishwasher… all of the things I am told I will want when this little one is born. My new condo will have it all!
• I chose to do this with a partner rather than do this alone. I realize more and more how grateful I am that someone is as excited about this little person growing inside of me as I am. (Mom and Dad are close, but baby daddy takes the cake.)
• I am using highly rated coco butter/stretch mark cream twice a day (it suggests I use it 3 times a day, but where at work can I put lotion on my tummy?!)
• I have started this blog! (This is my favorite thing – thank you for reading!)

4 Month Ultrasound - all is looking great! You can see my
little baby bump... and my little tattoo...

I had my four month check-up today and all was going perfectly! My weight is good. My blood pressure is good. My baby’s size is perfectly on schedule. The heartbeat was strong. The little nugget was moving and grooving in the ultra-sound. I’m cleared for downs syndrome and spinal bifida.

I may not be doing it all right but I feel like overall everything is going pretty darn smashingly and that makes me so happy! Kisses!

14 Week and 16 Week Baby Bumps

And the much awaited Belly Bump pics... They're not super big yet... I have a few weeks yet to pop!

14 Week Belly!

16 Week Belly!

How me and my baby daddy co-exist?

This was really tricky it the beginning.  We had mixed feelings for each other and it was strange, to say the least. We really were prepared to take a long break from each other, and then BAM! I'm perggers! I was conflicted because I would really want him to come over, and then after a day or two I would really want him to leave. Why? Several reasons I guess if I had to quantify it:

I really, really do!

1. My place is ridiculously small, so being together means being together. There isn’t a lot of room for his things so when he’s there for a few days they just start to pile up. (I'm buying a new condo so hopefully this will get a little better.)
2. We can get on each other's nerves. We're human and we have a past. I mean there is a reason we broke up... twice. We're working on it! (Stay tuned for our blog post on going to couples therapy.)
3. I like “me time”. I don’t appreciate how much I like me time until I don’t get it for a few days. I go from fine to not fine in a short span of time. I’m working on that too. Mainly, I’m working on noticing it and just calling out that I need some alone time so it can still be friendly.
1. I recognize there will be no more “me time” for a while once this baby is born. For some reason I feel like this will be different. And if not, then I will continue to work on myself. 

Disneyland!

We talked openly about these things. I guess I talked openly about   this. We agreed we would only see each other once a week. We agreed that day would be Sunday. We do Sundays together well.    We sleep in and usually go for a bike ride to get breakfast somewhere. We love to cruise through vintage shops, run errands, cook and watch movies/TV together. Sundays are awesome. We definitely play well together!

And "intimacy"? (Lots of people asked this question...) Well, we were still enjoying each other for a while. But it got too weird for me. I had really begun to view him as more of a friend, and combined with fatigue and morning sickness interest on my end had waned to an almost a negative number. That was definitely tough on him. I totally became the stereotype of the girl who got pregnant and then cut off the nookie... but hey - we're not even a couple! Although, we still sleep in the same bed when he stays over which definitely makes it even more confusing. We’re dealing with it. Seeing each other only once a week helps. 

Sometimes during the week we  see each other more, but if we do it too often I get a little unnerved  I guess this is something I have to consider before this little baby of ours is born. I’m going to want him around a lot… I think. I'm hoping as the months go on we find our better groove. 

Lil Devils boutique in LB

At this point we just play it by ear. Like last week he came over twice during the week so we decided to take the whole weekend off.  He came over because we had a doctor’s appointment on Thursday and then an appointment with the ultrasound tech on Friday. I do love having him there with me at those appointments. He gets so excited. And he holds my hand. I am so grateful to him for being awesome like that. It just reinforces that even though we aren't a good couple for now, we are good co-parents.

It’s not easy what we’re trying to do. But we’re doing the best we can!

Next Blog: Baby Daddy and I go to Couples Therapy - And we're not a couple!