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| Our morphed baby! |
We broke up... twice. After we
broke up the second time I dated one other person. That relationship spiked briefly and then
fizzled quickly. It was at that point that that I decided I would buy sperm
from a sperm bank. I had trepidations about going the sperm donor route – not
about money or about going it alone. I make an excellent living and I have a
wonderful support network. I worried mostly about my child always wondering who
their father was. I have a lot of wonderful positive male role models in my
life, so I was willing to chance the sacrifice – but I am so close with my
father that it kind of pained me to think of my child not having that same
experience. However, like so many other women who go the sperm donor route, I just couldn’t face getting into my 40s still not having children. I decided to move
forward anyway. I went on to www.Cryobank.com and found a few solid sperm donors. I
spoke with a representative on the phone and she walked me through the whole process. I was going to wait until after my
annual family vacation and then I would pull the trigger.
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| The Pro/Con Poster... bet you didn't think it was real! |
All the
while I’m sharing these updates with my ex-boyfriend and future baby daddy. We joked again about how awesome it would be
if we could have had a baby together.
The joke led to a conversation. Could he get me pregnant, be a co-parent and be my friend with our history? Was it possible?! The conversation to led to us making a
Pro/Con poster for my baby daddy. My motivations were clear – but why would a
guy in his 30s trying to turn his life around want to get his
ex-girlfriend pregnant?! (I’ll let him write a blog post to tell you his take
on this whole thing… he’s a good writer – you’ll enjoy it!)
The pro/con poster led to a potential plan. I took that plan to my life coach. I took it my close friends. I took it my mentors, people I looked up to. They all agreed that it while it was not without potential future flaws, it looked like a pretty solid and well thought out plan. I turned that plan into our Co-Parenting Agreement. I will include the agreement in a future post but here is the gist:
- Child Support: Neither would pay the other child support
(I didn’t want him asking it from me in the future either, since I make
more money than him)
- Custody: I would be the primary guardian, with sole
custody for the first 6 months and limited shared custody thereafter
- Payments: I would pay for everything (I was about to go the sperm
donor route – so money was not a motivation for me)
- Holidays, Etc.: We covered holidays, school, what we would do if one or
the other moved, doctors/benefits, etc.
The Co-Parenting agreement is very much like an agreement that two parents divorcing would draft. Which I know makes some of you think... so you're purposely bringing a child up in a broken home? I have many a thought on this - which I will include in a future post. I'll call it something like... Broken, Bent and Beautiful...
Anyway - My baby daddy and I signed the plan before a Notary, who by the way had a Christian Fish on her business card... I wonder how she felt about us since our first paragraph says straight up that he intends to get me pregnant out of wedlock. Sinners...
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| Our baby at 12 weeks... kicking up his or her little feet! He or she is the size of a lime... :-) |
In June of 2012 I bought an ovulation kit (Clear Blue
Easy – great product). By July I was pregnant. As of September 5th,
2012 I am 12 weeks along and just a weeks shy of being out my first
trimester.
Wow! The pro con sheet made me laugh & cry! He adores u.. Special bond u guys have. And p.s. mr baby dady single dads are kinda hot, good last second addition to the list!
ReplyDeleteXoxo -AF
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ReplyDeleteHey Katrina, I saw a link to your blog on Facebook. Congratulations on the baby! And now for the unsolicited commentary: your parenting agreement as you described it raised a couple of red flags for me. (Disclaimer: I'm not licensed to practice law in California, and I am not giving you legal advice here, just mentioning a couple of things for your consideration.) I'm pretty sure a couple of the terms of the agreement you mentioned wouldn't be legal--(especially the part about the two of you agreeing not to pay each other child support--the child is the party who is entitled to the support--the parents have no authority to contract that right away.) A document like the one you've described, that you've drafted together without the input of a legal professional, (a notary is not a legal professional,) really doesn't offer you any protection. I would recommend that you find a lawyer specializing in family law who can draft a document for you that would preserve as many of the terms of your agreement that you can, but don't be surprised if you can't legally ensure every part of the agreement. A court will uphold almost any term in a contract for goods or services if it can determine it was the intent of the parties drafting the original contract, but family court is a whole different animal. A judge will throw out any agreement between the parents if he determines it's not in the best interest of the child. Sorry to be kind of a downer--but it's probably a good idea to find a lawyer and get your ducks in a row before the baby comes. Congratulations again!
ReplyDelete@Amanda - thank you for the advice! We know about the child support - we put it in to sort of make ourselves feel better. We did work a little with an attorney and used a template provided by an attorney for divorced parents who intended to share custody. Its good advice to have the whole thing reviewed again. Thank you! And thanks for reading!
ReplyDeleteAnd @AF - Single dads are totally hot - good call!
Oh good, I'm so glad you talked to a lawyer! (And don't mind me, one of the side effects of going to law school is seeing potential disaster everywhere.)
ReplyDelete