4 Days of Pregnancy Left - 4 Posts to the Finish Line

My preggy belly!

Some people have asked me why I haven't posted in my blog for a while, which I have to say makes me feel pretty good. Its nice to be missed. :-)

There are a few reasons:

• Of course the first would be that my schedule became way too overwhelming. Saying I had a lot on my plate would  be an understatement. On top of the condo (before and after pictures officially attached!), the other properties, and my full time job I've also had to take classes to make sure I don't lose my project management certification which happens to expire in two weeks. Eeks!
• While Terry was helping me with our condo, I was helping him plan and register for the classes required to transfer into a 4 year college with a degree in Mechanical Engineering. This actually proved to be a difficult task, but we managed to get him registered and he's well underway! (We kept the course load minimal since - you know - we're having a baby... but still on track to transfer in a year.)

But I suppose those are both more excuses than real reasons...

• The basis of this blog was my adventure as a single mother who had entered into a co-parenting agreement with her ex-boyfriend. Obviously that changed as now Terry (formerly known as Baby Daddy) and I are in a committed relationship. I received several notes from people telling me that they were happy for me, but quite frankly my story just wasn't as interesting. I can understand that. Its still a fun story to tell... because honestly if we hadn't decided to have a baby together we wouldn't be a couple either. We just sort of did it backwards. Someday if we end up married we can say we did the exact opposite direction: baby, then boyfriend/girlfriend, then married couple. :-) And we're still a pretty unconventional couple - but more on that in my next post. 

So - what have we been up to?

Ethan's Clothing Inventory... In case
you thought I was kidding...

In any event, it took the wind a bit out of my sails and I just focused my attention on other things - like making a spreadsheet of every article of clothing we have for Ethan sorted by type, size, etc, and doing all of the prep work for as smooth a transition into motherhood as I can manage. 

Before anyone chimes in with "You have no idea what this is going to be like - you can't prepare for this", let me just say I'm only attempting to manage the things I can. I'm as prepared as someone can be for something I've been told I can never prepare for. 

Gifts for the hospital staff
after my C-Section

Specifically:  Ethan's clothes and blankets are washed, bags are packed, diapers were ordered (we're doing a diaper service), nursery is complete, pack n play is built, car seats are installed (and inspected by the Sheriff), bouncers are built, gifts for the nurses and hospital staff are assembled, vaccinations for family members are completed, visitation schedule is complete, disability is filed for, we found our cord blood bank, and I already have my plan for getting back my pre-preggy body outlined... oh - and the condo is completely renovated. Ready to see the final results!?

 Condo Renovation Before and After Pictures!

So - what posts are left?

• How our being couple affects the Agreement
• Final decision on the full name
• Single vs. Alone - a few lessons I learned in originally preparing to go this alone
• We were started and where we are now. It's amazing the difference 9 months can make in peoples lives when they're focused on making things happen. 

I know I will keep writing about our journey after this little man is born - but I truly appreciate everyone who has joined us thus far. I'll send out the first blog post tomorrow (even though it already is tomorrow... insomnia!). 

Next Blog Post: How Does Being a Couple Change the Agreement

Where Have We Been?!

I’m back! Wow - what a difference a month can make! I have been missing writing this blog so much, but to say I was busy would be a colossal understatement. In the past month and a half I have:

• Closed escrow on the condo
• Oversaw Terry and his team to help renovate it enough to be “move-in” ready (see our before and after pictures) on a budget so tight it gave my bank account a muffin top
• Held open houses and found a fabulous new tenant for my old unit
• Moved out of my own place and moved into this place
• Continued home improvement projects (on-going as we speak)
• Continued working with the property manager transition for my four-plex in Phoenix
• Dealt with a tenant in Phoenix who trashed one of my units – the place is finally cleaned but yet to be rented (ugh!)
• Took a mini road trip home for Thanksgiving
• And… worked a full time job overseeing 4 on-going projects for Toyota

 Oh... And I’m 6.5 months pregnant!

Terry has been my absolute rock through all of this. I've never known anyone who could so effortlessly manage the stress swings that I go through when I take on this much at once. Note: not mood swings… stress swings. These are moments when the weight of everything going on hits me at once and I feel like I’m going to collapse. It sort of feels like filling your plate at the buffet with all different kinds of foods and then stuffing them all into your face at one time and suddenly not being able to chew.  People in past relationships would tell me things like, “Just relax”, “Slow down”, “maybe you shouldn't try to do too much at once”… you know – the useless directives people give when they don’t know what to do. Terry doesn't do any of that. He lets me vent or fall apart… and then he’s right there to help me move forward.

Terry deep in renovation
mode! (One of my
favorite pics of him)

Terry managed the condo renovation and let me just tell you what this fabulous person accomplished in a week and a half and for less than $5,000 with the aid of a just a few additional handymen:

• Removed popcorn ceilings
• Put in recessed lighting
• Re-textured and painted all the walls (except the bathrooms)
• Put in laminate flooring
• Put in all the baseboards
• Assisted with the carpet company to lay carpet

I could not have done this without him. He did it for me and he did it for our baby… but he benefits too because guess who moved in?!

So what about Terry and I now?

Terry and I Thanksgiving
Family Pic 1

We’re “official” now! We’re boyfriend and girlfriend… and co-parents to be of course. He’s pretty much moved into my condo. There’s so much space in here now we can co-exist easily.  Our story has changed a little bit but parts are the same.  "The Story of How My Ex Agreed to get me Pregnant and Then We Got Back Together and He Moved Into my Condo."

Are We Happy?

Terry and I Thanksgiving
Family Pic 2

Yes! Terry and I have overcome some pretty fierce obstacles and we are both doing so well right now.  We continue to work on home improvement projects together. Terry is doing well really well in school and managing the other projects in his life. I’m far more relaxed and have actually started back at the gym which I was really missing!

Terry is even cooking us dinner as I write this and I need to wrap it so we can enjoy our Sunday evening together.

Next Blog Post: Now that we’re a couple – how does that change the Agreement?

Are Baby Daddy and I in a Relationship again?

A lot of people have been asking me what the nature of my relationship is with Baby Daddy.  Here is the true answer… I have no idea!

Here are a few easy answers to questions:

1. Are we officially a couple? – No
2. Am I seeing other people? – No
3. Do I have an interest in seeing other people? – No
4. Could I see other people? – Up until a month ago I might have said yes… but no
5. Are we monogamous – Technically no, but also technically yes... 

Terry and I celebrating our respective successes....
don't worry - I only had a little wine - Terry finished it gladly!

So what are we?

We’re a non-labeled couple. We’re dedicated co-parents to be. We tell each other we love each other. We do couples things together. We do romantic things for each other.  We argue like couples do sometimes. We encourage each other. We listen to each other. We miss each other when we’re not together. We like each other’s company.

What does he want?

I wish I could get him to write a blog post, but so far he has shied away a bit… plus we’ve both been so busy! But overall I know what he wants – he wants us to be in a committed relationship.

What do I want?

For the first time in my entire life I can admit that I don’t know. I have spent so much time and energy trying to get myself into a relationship with the sole purpose of just having a child. Now that I don’t have to focus on that, I can finally focus on who I really am and what I really want. I can live in a singular moment because I don’t have this crazy biological clock beating me in my face telling me to hurry up because the future is closing in.

So all I can answer right now is how I feel right now – and right now I am really enjoying my life with Terry as it is. We have this unique hybrid of friendship/relationship. He’s not putting any pressure on me and I am so (so) grateful for that.

We’re both succeeding in our lives right now and our drama is fading slowly away so it’s just easy right now. I know it won’t last this way forever, but it’s this way now and I’m enjoying it – so let’s not jinx it! [Knocks on wood…]

Baby Daddy and I Pick a Last Name

Ok – so here might be one little bone of contention between us. The last name.

Terry and I as Sheldon
and Amy for Halloween

Typically we’d be married. I’d have his last name. Our son would have his last name. But this is not typical. We’re not married. In this rather unique scenario I am the primary, if you will. I was the primary person with this whole crazy idea. I will be the primary guardian.  I will have primary fiscal responsibility.

On the other hand, this is Terry’s son. He didn't sign on to just be a sperm donor, we’re co-parents. While the bulk of the responsibility will rest on my shoulders he will be a very active participant in this child’s life. And I don’t want to be the complete jerk that diminishes that in anyway.

Quite a dilemma!

We know the first name is Ethan (thanks to all of you that voted) so here are a few possibilities we've lightly discussed.

Middle name equals one of our last names:

• Ethan Byrne McCullough
• Ethan McCullough Byrne

Hyphenated Last Names with middle name:

• Ethan Stuart McCullough-Byrne (middle name = my dad’s name)
• Ethan Stuart Byrne-McCullough
• Ethan Lee Byrne-McCullough (middle name = Terry’s middle name)
• Ethan Lee McCullough-Byrne

Hyphenated Last names with no middle name:

• Ethan McCullough-Byrne
• Ethan Byrne-McCullough

Combined last name (we like this least of all):

• Ethan Stuart McByrne
• Ethan Lee McByrne

I am afraid that this poor kid is going to have to learn to write the longest name in the world! I mean, Katrina Maria McCullough already feels like a gazillion letters!

Leave comments or let me know on Facebook what you think we should do!

Baby Daddy and I hit our stride

I want to write this to commemorate the brilliant week Baby Daddy and I have had. Five months into this whole crazy hullabaloo we seem to have hit our stride.  This week we've spent more time together than we have since we were boyfriend and girlfriend and it was wonderful. Between condo walk-throughs, ultrasounds, lazy Sundays, shopping for maternity and baby clothes we've come to really just enjoy each other’s company.

So, what’s different? 

The “stuff” in our separate lives is improving… which is making our collective life better too!

Baby daddy is on a roll with right now in his life so he’s happier. Even though he’s looking for a second job, the one he has now has really picked up, so work is going well. He’s getting into a rhythm with school. His health is improving (we’re going the gym together!). All of his family and friends know about the baby now and are very supportive.  Lastly, some of the family drama that was really weighing him down is getting sorted which is taking a tremendous load off his shoulders.

I’m out of the first trimester and feeling so much better! My job is going super well and I love it. I’m going to the gym more often (endorphins!). I hired a new Phoenix property manager and though all that drama is not yet sorted there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My condo should close this week (its taking forever!), and my favorite handy man is on-board to assist. I've really fallen in love with writing this blog and I love everyone for supporting me doing it – especially Baby Daddy!

New baby clothes we
bought last weekend...  so
much fun!

So together – we’re just more relaxed. Being together used to feel somewhat forced, like it was almost a chore. Now it’s relatively easy.  We know we’re having a son, we know he’s healthy and we agree on the first name so life is super good there. We both love politics and we are on the same page politically so we’re enjoying watching and discussing as the campaign unfolds, especially the debates. He is super excited to help me with the condo when it’s time to start fixing it up – he even went to Home Depot and picked up laminate flooring samples for me to have at our final walk-through. Brazilian Cherry wood it is! He’s actually looking forward to the condo because he’ll finally have his own bathroom and his own closet there…  more space is awesome!

So even though life is busy, and complicated, and changing and sometimes pretty darn stressful -  right now, together, we've managed to keep it pretty simple. And that feels really nice!

Next Post: How to pick a last name!

Gender and Winning Baby Names Revealed

Thank you all so much for voting on baby names! The results are in, as is the gender of our beautiful little niblet. We are so pleased to announce that we having a -

BOY!!!!

Here are the overall winning baby names by percentages from blog comments, Facebook comments, emails and text messages:

We're so excited to be having a little boy!

Baby Girl Names

Juliana Rose - 57%
Celia - 43%
Charlotte - 0%
Grace - 0%

Baby Boy Names

Ethan - 56%
Grayson - 22%
Trevor - 11%
Cameron - 11%
Dylan - 0%

Thank you again for voting!! We know we sort of tipped the scales by putting our own favorite names first - but the fact that you liked them as much as we did means a lot to us. We're not 100% promising that this will be final baby name, but we're pretty happy with the name we've chosen for now and we definitely can't wait to meet little Ethan! (Although I know Terry and I will still call it Niblet and my mom will still call it Blueberry...)

Help Baby Daddy and I Choose a Baby Name

Hello Everyone! On Friday October 26th baby daddy and I go in for our anatomy ultra-sound. I am so so so excited. Lets all cross our fingers that this little baby isn't feeling shy on Friday.

We have a short list of names picked out for both girls and boys – but we want you to help us. We’re encouraging everyone to comment and vote on their favorite girls name and their favorite boys name. Here are the names we've chosen to date and little bit about why we liked them. Happy voting!

Girl names we like

 1. Juliana Rose – (First and Middle name) This is a spin on the middle name of both of my grandmothers (and my best friend’s middle name as well)
2. Celia – after Hurrican Celia. Since I share the namesake of a powerful hurricane I thought it might be funny to name our daughter after a hurricane as well
3. Charlotte (fun nicknames - Char and Charlie)
4. Grace - Just a name we both liked
5. Periwinkle Honeysuckle – this is a spin on Beyonce’s baby named Blue Ivy, although I don’t think we’re famous enough to pull this name off (This is mostly a joke...)

Boy names we like so far

1. Ethan - I think is our front runner...

2. Trevor - We both have never met a Trevor that wasn't a pretty cool person
3. Cameron - Goes well with our last names
4. Dylan - Dylan Thomas, Bob Dylan 

5. Grayson - Just a name we liked (although I like this more than Baby Daddy does...)

**I also really liked the name Cohen (as in Leonard Cohen, one my favorite poets), but apparently to use Cohen as a first name is considered disrespectful to those of the Jewish faith... that's not good. 

Here are a few "off limit" names due to exes, friends we love but don't want to name babies after, and recent babies of friends and family we don't want to copy: Shea (we've both dated a Shea!), David, William, Isabella/Annabelle, Simon, Jackson, Caroline, Preston, Owen, Issac, Chris, Audrey, Kimberly, Maureen, and any Kristen/Katherine name (too close to mine). 

We really have not decided yet and we would love your feedback! Help us choose the best name in case its either a girl or a boy! We'll reveal the winning name when we reveal the gender! :-)